After Affects
by Inflamed
Summary: Dan faces what happens after being kidnapped by terrorists


AFTER AFFECTS  
by  
Cindy Kimura  
Takes place after "The Young Assassins"  
  
"How's it going, Danno?" Steve said a look of concern on his face.  
"Close," Dan winced as blood ran down his face.  
"Ya, real close," Steve agreed..  
"Book him. Let's get out of here."  
  
  
"NO!" Dan screamed, and woke up. Beads of perspiration formed on his forehead and upper lip, he could see the blood and Kurt's face as he was shot again. His breathing was uneven and labored.  
  
4 A.M. His day off and he was up at 4 a.m. His appointment wasn't until 1 P.M. but he knew he would have to get up. Any chance of going back to sleep was useless. For the past few weeks, his sleep was tortured and painful. Only by willing himself to sleep was he able to maintain a veneer of normalcy.  
  
Dan got up and went to the bathroom. Looking in the mirror, he found himself staring at a tired man. He had black circles under his eyes, and his mouth was drawn in a tight line. His pajamas seemed to hang on him. Suddenly food wasn't so appealing either. Couldn't anybody see he was hurting? Didn't Steve notice what was happening?   
  
Apparently not, everyone was just glad he was alive. Those first few weeks, he could see them checking to make sure he was alive and well.   
  
Dan went into his kitchen and made coffee, still dark outside, but he could see Honolulu coming to life. He used to find some comfort in the darkness, not now it reminded him only the darkness of the powder magazine.   
  
Sitting on his lanai, Dan drank his coffee, getting warmth from the cup and thinking back six months ago. It had been at Kurt's funeral, Steve was comforting Mrs. Metzger with Ben and Chin on either side of them. He had stood off to the side, feeling like an interloper. His arms hung at his side, and his head bowed, finding no comfort in the priest's words. Every time he glanced up he found Mrs. Metzger staring at him, reminding him he was alive and Kurt wasn't. The service ended and everyone headed to their cars, the plan was to meet back at the Metzger house however Dan had just stood there unable to move and no one making any motions towards him.   
  
Dan didn't know how long he stood there but when he left no one was at the cemetery, he got into his car and broke into tears, silent cries and moans ushered from his mouth. He drove silently home and went straight to bed.  
  
The next day no one asked why he didn't go to the Metzger house or that he was there at all. Suddenly it never happened, the kidnapping, the murder just another day at the office. Steve gave him looks all day and never alluded to him being among the missing at the Metzger house. Dan thought it was over now, his life would return to its semi-normal state.  
  
  
After that Steve's concern almost felt suffocating then tapered off back to the usual hectic schedule. But, that was six months ago, why did things start to go to hell in a hand basket now. Army and the People's Attack Group trial were over weeks ago, why was it haunting him now. Sure, he knew the psychological reason why this was happening, but why now? Post traumatic stress syndrome, so clinical sounding but so unnerving.  
  
XXXX  
  
Dan sat quietly as the doctor got out his notebook. What did he expect? Some new way to get into his psyche. The doctor dressed casually as if he was just talking to an old friend.  
  
"So tell me Mr. Williams, why are you here? I'm sure you could have gone to your department psychologist, why see me?" The doctor asked in a smooth relaxed manner.  
  
"Because, Doctor," Dan now stood up as he adjusted his polo shirt. "Word would get out and I need some privacy, that's all. So can you help me?" Now Dan felt unnerved, just like in the powder magazine.  
  
"Hmm, your name sounds familiar, aren't you the officer who was kidnapped by the People's Attack Group, the one that was in the news, recently? Wasn't Kurt Metzger, the university professor, killed?"  
  
"Hell, doctor he wasn't killed, he was shot in cold blood in front of my eyes. That's why I'm here. I wake up every morning from nightmares, I have the hardest time deciding what to wear, let alone eat. That's why I'm here." Dan headed toward the window and looked out to the skyline. His breathing becoming agitated as the doctor had brought up the events bringing him here, he willed himself to regain control.  
  
"Certainly you didn't expect to recover so quickly, didn't you only have a few days off and then return to work? That certainly wasn't enough time. I suggest a few weeks of intense therapy and then. ."  
  
"NO," Dan's outburst surprised even him. "I can't afford the time, my boss wouldn't understand and..."  
  
"Maybe if I talked to your boss, we can work something out, surely he would understand considering the what happened to you. I don't quite understand your reluctance, Mr. Williams."  
  
"No, doctor it's just not possible." Dan shook his head. "I tried, I really tried, doctor, they were all just glad I was alive. I was okay until recently, that's why I'm here. I just don't think he would understand. Everybody in my department was happy I wasn't dead. This didn't start until recently. He wouldn't understand, I don't understand. I do, but I don't." Tears now ran down Dan's face. The doctor didn't know Steve's penchant for shrinks, okay for research, not for personal help.   
  
XXXXXX  
  
Dan remembered talking to Steve, it was late and Dan needed someone to talk to. He couldn't bring himself to go to his empty apartment and female companionship didn't quite fit into his plans.  
  
"What's up Danno?" Steve asked as Dan grabbed a chair.  
  
"It's about the People's Attack Group," Dan started.  
  
"Well that's one bunch of sickos we won't have to worry about any more, with your testimony will nail them for murder, sorry it had to be Kurt, but at least they will be in prison for a long time."  
  
"Steve," Dan interrupted. "About Kurt, you don't understand. You don't think I want to nail those bastards, but lately I've had .."  
  
Steve got up and started to lock up. Wait, Dan wanted to shout, can't you see I want to talk. Steve effectively cutting him off and every chance he tried and Steve shut him down. Steve suddenly had an appointment or he was tired and wanted to go home. Even in the morning after the briefings, Steve would disappear.  
  
XXXXX  
  
"How about we try this for awhile, okay? If it gets worse, then we decide on something else." Dan had now returned to the couch, this time, laying back and closing his eyes as the doctor handed him a box of tissues.  
  
"You realize you've been under a lot of stress, but we have to change our appointment next time. I will have Thursday's off from now on."  
  
"I understand doctor, I'll find a way." Only Dan could find a doctor who took Thursday's off instead of Wednesdays, but they came highly recommend.  
  
XXXXX  
  
"Steve," Dan sat down in a chair in front of Steve. Finding Steve in his usual late night position, his jacket and gun hung up on the coat rack, his tie loosened with Steve's ever-present cup of coffee.  
  
"Kinda late, even for you, Danno. What's up?" Steve's eyes seemed to pierce into Dan's soul.  
  
Dan played with his tie, unsure of how to broach the subject.  
  
"I need your help, Steve. I have this friend and he has a very stressful and time-consuming job. And something happened to him. Traumatic, in fact and he's seeing a shrink, you know to work out the rough edges. Do you think he should tell his boss? The guy is kinda worried about his job, maybe losing it, the job I mean."  
  
"A shrink, huh. Your friend must not be very sure of himself. Traumatic, huh." Dan swallowed hard, not getting the answer he expected.  
  
"Yeah, life and death stuff!" Dan smiled and laughed. I thought Steve would take it differently, can't he see I'm talking about me!  
  
"Is he a officer on HPD? Danno, if he is we're talking implications here. Do you know him really well?" Steve now pounding on the desk, his nerves taut and on edge.  
  
"Yes, really well, but what if he tried to tell his boss he needed help and he kinda brushed him off? What would you do?" C'mon Steve change your tune, it's bad enough I have to keep one secret, not two.  
  
"Danno, that is something the guy would have to do for himself. If it was that important, he should do it and to hell with his boss. By the way, what type of boss does he have?" Steve asked as he took a sip of coffee.  
  
"He's kinda stubborn and pig headed sometimes, that's all. But aren't all bosses?" Dan winked at Steve.  
  
"Very funny, Danno." Dan got up and adjusted his suit jacket.  
  
"Good night, Steve."  
  
"Good night, Danno."  
  
XXXXX  
  
  
Dan didn't like the looks he was getting from Steve. God, he had only been going to the doctor for a few weeks and he already felt the pressure.   
  
From Chin, Ben, but he was trying, really trying. Any chance of a day off had been futile not that he expected it. Moran, a well know big time mainland drug dealer was on the island and it was imperative Five-0 apprehend him before the DEA did.  
  
The sleeping pills the doctor gave him wiped him out, they had prescribed a light dosage and he still felt exhausted. In the last three weeks he had been late to the office a few times. Late being relative, 8:30 A.M. was late in Steve's eyes, under normal circumstances Dan was usually in the office by 7:30 A.M.   
  
Every time he had walked in, Jenny immediately told him Steve need to see him. Always urgent, always pressing. The normal stress and strain of Five 0 seemed amplified.  
  
So far he had been able to maintain a measure of composure, but he was finding it difficult as each week he worked through his emotions. The doctor had the gall to suggest he take a vacation. A vacation, when? How? He was pushing it just with the appointment, didn't the doctor get it. How could they be so dense how many times had he told them? NO, NO and NO.  
  
XXXXX  
  
Dan sat in the car unable to move. He heard Steve call him on the radio, but he couldn't answer it. His hands frozen on the steering wheel of the car, he sat in the parking lot as the tears poured down his face. Trying to regain control, Dan willed himself to grab the mic. He sat there seeing Kurt's horror stricken face over again as Army shot him. Over and over again, he relived that horrifying moment. Dan could hear and see everything but his mind and body refused to act together.   
  
Able to breathe again, Dan picked up the mic, unsure of his voice. He swallowed hard, and depressed the button. His hands still shaking.  
  
"Williams."  
  
"Where have you been, Danno? We have a line on Moran, but Chin and Ben are on it. Just get back to the office." Steve's irate voice came loud and clear over the radio.  
  
"10-4." Dan replaced the mic, and started up the car, if he was lucky, Steve wouldn't yell at him too much. Fat chance, heat was all he was getting lately from Steve.   
  
XXXXXXX  
  
Dan hid behind some boxes in the dark warehouse, Moran was supposed to show up here. He, Chin and Ben had taken up various positions waiting for the buy to go down. It had been Ben's snitch that led them to the warehouse. Again, Steve chastised him for not pounding the streets harder and faster. How could he tell him, lately any enclosed spaces made him nervous, on edge.The dark warehouse only enhanced Dan's helplessness. His gun drawn ready and waited for the buy to go down.   
  
Suddenly, Dan could hear the heavy warehouse door open and close loudly. He could hear footsteps coming inside. Then, Dan froze, he had hard time breathing, his heart pounding in his chest and he could feel the sweat pouring down his face. Afraid, he was afraid, how many times had he done this. This should be second nature, and he felt like a first year rookie.  
  
Then he heard another noise as the other suspect came into the warehouse, Dan heard them talking but could do nothing. His mind filled with images of Kurt's death and Army's laugh. Dan heard the deal go down and then the scuffling of Ben and Chin's feet. He heard both Ben and Chin yell "freeze" and heard indications of physical resistance.  
  
Taking a deep breath, Dan took a step around the boxes and found both suspects in cuffs as they were led away. None of them Moran, Dan silently cursed noticing Ben and Chin glaring at him.  
  
All Dan could say was good work and mentally curse himself for losing it.  
  
XXXXX  
  
"Doc, I need something, but I don't know, I'm having anxiety attacks, hell, I almost ruined a bust." Dan lay on the couch recounting the warehouse incident. This Wednesday appointment even tougher, Dan had watched the whole office following him with their eyes as he left.   
  
No one was given the luxury Dan had. He knew they were talking about him, wondering how they could curry Steve's favor. Only they didn't know what he was going through to get it. Sure get a few hours off every week, only you have to bust your butt twice as hard to keep up and make sure you don't upset Steve, easy, piece of cake.  
  
"I can give you a very light dosage, but considering your occupation, I don't even feel good doing that. Will they make you feel better Mr. Williams? What about the sleeping pills? You don't seem as rested as I would've thought." The doctor's concerned look made Dan feel better. Lately all he seemed to get at the office was glaring looks of disappointment.  
  
"I, I had to stop taking them. They were getting me into trouble, I slept too well. I was getting late into work. 8:30 is way too late." Dan recalled all of Steve's lectures on someone he can count on. Someone who should be his backup, another lecture to make him feel guiltier.  
  
"Mr. Williams, I wish you would let me talk to your boss. I'm sure Mr. McGarrett would understand." Steve understand? Didn't the doctor understand?  
  
"No, I can't tell them. I like my job. I don't want to lose it. So can we continue?" Irate the doctor would suggest it again. How many times should he have to tell them! Steve, maybe he would tell him later, just not now.  
  
XXXXX  
  
Jenny looked at Danny trying to concentrate on his paperwork. Couldn't any one see how much Danny was hurting? He went through twenty-four hours of hell, and everyone took it as another day at the office.   
My god, didn't Steve realize how close they came to losing him. She had seen him after the incident, like usual Danny tried to laugh it off, but she could tell.  
  
Taking charge, Jenny went into Danny's office and closed the door.  
  
"Danny."  
  
Dan looked up, consternation on his face. She could see the black circles and the tight lines in his face. He tried smiling but Jenny could see the pressure he was under. You don't become secretary of a unit and not know everything that goes on.  
  
"Yes, Jenny? I'm kinda busy. I have to get these reports done and. . " Dan tapped his pen on his desk, irritation clearly evident.  
  
"You can't fool me, Danny Williams. I see how horrible you look. I even have a sneaking suspicion where you go on Wednesday afternoon's and. . "  
  
"What is the bet, surfboards or a girl?" Dan cracked a forced smile.  
  
"Danny, I'm serious. If you need to talk, I'm here for you. It was horrible what you've been through. Sometimes I don't think you guys get it sometimes and-"  
  
"Jenny, I'm fine, really. Now if you don't mind, I have to get these reports to Steve. I'm already late with them and Steve will chew my ass out anyway. Please?" Dan pleaded.  
  
Jenny accepted Dan's excuse, but knew something was eating at him. Sometimes, men could be so stupid.  
  
"Okay, Danny. You know where I am." Jenny opened the door, and left but kept an eye on Danny the rest of the week.  
  
XXXXXX  
  
After Jenny left Dan tried to concentrate on his reports. He now had a blinding headache, something he was getting more often. He opened his bottom desk drawer and took out his aspirin bottle, next to the filled prescription of the anti-anxiety drugs.   
  
He had gone to the effort of getting the prescription filled, but hadn't touched one, maybe knowing they were there, gave him some comfort. Or he was just afraid of them, afraid he might become dependent on them. Whatever the reason, they just sat there, a constant reminder to his current problems.  
  
He took the aspirin dry, not even willing to go out of his office, afraid of the stares. He rubbed his temples, wishing it would all go away.  
  
XXXXXXXX  
  
  
Dan had tried to make it back to work, he really tried. The last session just wore him out, and it just wasn't possible. He couldn't concentrate, let alone try to think. Dan found it difficult driving home, twice he pulled over just to concentrate and get his bearings. The session was so draining he felt like it was happening all over again. The terror and uncertainty of those twenty-four hours. What was that stupid song about twenty-four little hours? Suddenly it didn't seem so contrite.  
  
He knew it looked bad, but he couldn't face the office, not now, not in his condition. Not even the reprimand he would get from Steve. He just wanted to go home, turn out the lights and go to sleep to forget all the pain and anger he felt.  
  
XXXXXXX  
  
Dan glanced up to see himself staring at a very irate Steve. His 6'1" frame towering over Dan as he sat at his desk, Steve's hands resting on his desk as Steve almost looked at him nose to nose.  
  
"Finally getting around to writing your reports, Danno. You haven't been working late, like usual. You knew what would happen!" He already knew the consequences, Steve breathing down his neck. Chin and Ben mad at him for missing meetings.   
  
"Well, I'm here aren't I. I'm catching up. I'm trying Steve. I really am. This Moran thing is eating most of my time and I'm trying to have a life. It's that possible with this job," Dan smiled trying to lighten the mood, anything to change the subject. Didn't Steve trust him? He did his job.  
  
"Moran, huh." Steve sat on Dan's small desk. "Seems to me Ben and Chin are working on that one, you're just riding their coat tails. Half the time, they supply me with the information, not you. Work I have assigned to you, Danno." Steve said pointing a finger at him.  
  
"Isn't that what I'm supposed to do as your second-in-command? Delegate. Unless things have changed, something I don't know about." Dan, now angry, stood up, not liking where Steve was heading with the conversation. How many dates had he missed? What social life did he have if any? Steve angry at him for some well needed personal time, well that didn't cut it.  
  
"I've pulled my weight around here for years, Steve. When haven't I done what you asked me or get the information you need? How many times have I spent the night and helped you out? You tell me to talk to you, you're my friend but when it comes down to cases, I'm not. Suddenly I need I need some well-deserved personal time and I'm a bad guy. Unlike you, I'm human! If you'll excuse me." Dan grabbed his jacket. "I'm leaving. The reports can wait, I have more important things to do!" Dan slid past Steve and was out the door. He didn't need this, Steve was just Steve. Not looking back, Dan headed for some fresh air, and distance as far away as he could get. His small office was closing in on him as well as Steve. Dan's unleashed anger at not being able to save Kurt had bubbled over, Dan couldn't take back the words but it was too late, he hadn't been able to save Kurt and he regretted that every day.  
  
XXXXXXXX  
  
"Oh, I don't know Ben. Danny's okay. We just have to give him some time is all." Chin said as they sat eating their dinner in Chin's office. This has been the third time in two months he had been stuck at the office, his daughter had a recital and he was here.  
  
"Danny! Chin, it's been six months now. How much time are we gonna give him? Both you and Steve think Danny can do no wrong, in your eyes. And brother that ain't fair. I don't know, I don't like pulling all this extra duty, Chin. I do have a life. I'd like to see my kids sometimes. I get them this weekend and if Danny isn't here? How is that supposed to happen? I don't want the babysitter to see them more than me." Ben stuck his chopsticks in his rice bowl, violently.  
  
"Ok, Ben. Your beefs are valid. But you think I'm gonna tell Steve? Danno's already in trouble if you hadn't noticed. Just cut Danno a little slack. He'll make it up to you." Everyone knew it, only it was turning out to be Five-0's dirty little secret. Danny got special privileges but at what cost?  
  
"Ok, Chin. For now I keep my mouth shut, but if things don't happen I got to tell Steve," said Ben, as he got up and returned to his office.  
  
Steve noted quietly Chin and Ben's comments as he went through the reports on Jenny's desk. He had suspected as much, but no one was talking.   
  
Suddenly the whole office had changed, ever since, he didn't know when. Steve grabbed the file he needed and headed back to his office. He would definitely have to talk to Danno. Steve liked a well-ordered office if nothing else, life was chaotic enough. He needed someone he could count on and suddenly Danno wasn't it.  
  
XXXXXXXXXXX  
  
  
"I can get it out of my head, how come Army shot Kurt, not me? Army was mad at the cops for killing his girlfriend. I should be dead, not Kurt. Kurt was an innocent bystander and I got him killed. We're supposed to protect the public, not get them executed." Tears ran down Dan's face, finally able to deal with his pain.  
  
"Mr. Williams I think you know the answer to that question. No matter what you could've done, Kurt Metzger died. You didn't have your weapon and Army did. It's not your fault, its what you need to come to terms with. I'm afraid out time is up. Mr. Williams if I could talk to your boss, I feel were going at this piecemeal. We just get started with a breakthrough and you come to our session, worried about work. You know I need your undivided attention, if we're going to get anywhere. Please talk to your boss. Even a week would suffice. Mr.Williams?"  
  
"I'll try doctor, I will, but you're asking the impossible. You really are. Steve just wouldn't understand."  
XXXXXXXXXX  
  
"You wanted to see me, Steve? I just on my way to lunch and . ."  
  
"Sit down, Danno. We have to talk."  
  
Dan grabbed a chair, already fearing what Steve would say.  
  
"Danno, I don't like what I'm hearing from Ben and Chin. Sure, they won't come out and say it, but there both disappointed in you. Ben, worried he won't be able to see his kids this weekend, same with Chin. What is with you? And I wish you would give up your Wednesday afternoons. You still won't tell me what it's for, Danno. And that bugs the hell out of me. I need you to stop, its hurting more than helping." Dan could see Steve's clenched fist and jaw. He couldn't, he just couldn't.   
  
"I can't Steve, I really can't. I. . I, you said you didn't care as long as I did my work. So I'm a little behind, when aren't we, Steve? I don't see your paperwork caught up." Steve glared at him at that comment.  
  
"I need those few hours every week. I'm sorry I just can't give them up." Dan stood his ground for once he needed to do this for himself.  
  
"OK, Danno. This is your last warning. Either start pulling your weight or we might have to have a really serious discussion about this." Steve smiled, but it didn't make Dan feel any better. He was trying, god he was trying.  
  
XXXXXXX  
  
  
  
Jenny saw Steve walk in the office, direct from the Governor's office. He didn't look happy, and what she had to give him wouldn't help. Why couldn't Danny pick another Wednesday not to come in?  
  
Steve looked at Dan's darkened office.   
  
"Messages?" his tone already sour.  
  
"Sure, Steve," Jenny smiled as she handed him a small stack of messages.  
  
"There's one from Danno in here, isn't there. That he's unable to come back this afternoon."  
  
"But Steve," Jenny tried to explain.  
  
"That does it, get me Chief Dann and put him through right away, Jenny."  
  
"Steve..." Jenny pleaded.  
  
XXXXXX  
  
Dan walked lightly into the Palace offices. He had made some progress, and least there was light at the end of the tunnel. Able to get good nights sleep, Dan was able to make it to the office early, actually beating Steve in.   
  
Starting coffee, Dan started going through his case files. Steve came in staring at him and motioned him to follow him into his office.  
  
Dan complied as he followed Steve in, thinking he missed something on Moran when he didn't show up yesterday afternoon. Steve didn't even pour himself a cup of coffee.  
  
Steve went directly to his desk and started pulling out paperwork. Taking a quick glance, Dan hadn't seen transfer papers since he came over from HPD.  
  
"Tell me Danno, are you happy here? I mean I can remember a time when you couldn't wait to get to work or leave and now, I don't know. You come in late, you leave paperwork undone and let Chin and Ben pick up after you."  
  
"Steve, I'm trying I really am. It's just I. . . I'm sorry I've disappointed you lately. I will try harder, I promise!"  
  
"It's too late for that, Danno. I can't count on you anymore and in this business it's deadly. I called the Chief, they have an opening in traffic investigation, and maybe the hours would be better for you. You wouldn't lose your grade or pay, call it a lateral move. The paperwork is all here, you can start tomorrow." Steve turned the paperwork towards Dan, everything laid out like Steve said.  
  
  
"Transfer, Steve?" Dan glanced at the paperwork and what the shrink said, he frowned. "Ok, Steve. Whatever, but I have some vacation time coming and if HPD is anything like us. ."  
  
"That won't be a problem, I'll call Dann and let him know. I will have to take the keys to the office and maybe you can make some recommendations after you get over to HPD and."  
  
"Sure, Steve." Dan took out the office keys and then reached into his coat pocket and pulled out his Five-0 badge. He wouldn't need this. Dan ran his finger around it and placed it on the desk. He grabbed a pen from Steve's desk set and signed the papers. It wasn't so bad, he had a good run, and maybe it was time.  
  
"I really liked working with you, Steve. I know you were tough, but you had to be. Maybe I'll see you around." Dan smiled.  
  
"Danno, you don't have to turn in your badge and I did enjoy working with you, too." Steve smiled back, but saw a look of confusion on his face. What did he want me to do, fight him over the transfer. Either way he would lose or he wanted to part in good terms.  
  
"I'll pack my office up and be outta here before Ben and Chin and the rest of the office get here. You can make the announcement. Maholo and Aloha Steve."  
XXXXXXX  
  
The first week had gone well, not only was Dan able to shed his guilt but his nightmares weren't as intense. Now on the second week, Dan would have his head together by the time he got to HPD. Dan might have to see the shrink a few more times, but he was feeling better already.  
  
Coming out of the water, Dan felt refreshed. Coming to the beach after each session seemed to calm him more. The ocean always seemed to do that for him. Looking up, Dan saw a man in a blue suit standing off in the distance, totally out of place with the sunbathers and surfers.   
  
Dan continued to walk on the beach to where his towel was. Surprised he stared at Steve. How did he know he was here? Stupid question!!  
  
"Hello, Steve. Taking an early lunch?" Dan grabbed his towel and started to dry off, his swim trunks dripping water on the hot sand.  
  
"Mind if I join you?"   
  
Dan laid out his other towel and Steve sat as gracefully as he could in suit, tie and shoes.  
  
They sat there a few minutes, just listening, to the waves.  
  
"You could have told me, Danno. I would have understood. I've been there before."  
  
"Told you what Steve? I don't know what you're talking about." Dan was perplexed at Steve's question.  
  
"I talked to the doctor, apparently one of your appointments got rescheduled and Jenny took the message." Steve looked at him with concern.  
  
  
Dan looked down at the sand and played with it, Steve wasn't supposed to find out, ever.  
  
"The doctor wasn't very cooperative at first, until I told them who I was. Apparently, they had tried to convince you to talk to me about it, but you flatly refused. Claiming I wouldn't understand. Danno, why didn't you talk to me about it?"  
  
"I tried to, Steve. After it happened, after I started seeing the psychiatrist. The friend I was telling you about was me and I got my answer! And forget about seeing the department psychologist, you'd think I would've stood a chance after that got out? 'Five-0 detective sees shrink, sanity in question'. You would have booted me quicker than a drunken sailor. You told me what I had to do and I did it. So I took my chances and now I'm going back to HPD. Pau."  
  
The tense silence scared Dan and made him uncomfortable. Now what, another lecture and then Steve would tell HPD and where would he be, then?  
  
"Danno. How are you doing now? Are you better? The doctor wouldn't tell me that."  
  
  
"I'm better. At least I'm in control. Those where the worst twenty-four hours of my life. We usually come to a crime afterward, and here I was living it. That's what the doctor told me, I knew it, but didn't want to accept it. I know now I couldn't do anything to save Kurt, nothing. I guess it was my biggest hang up. Now I'm ready to go back to work. I may not be 100% yet, but I'm pretty close. Why are you going do to now, talk to the Chief?"  
  
"Well, I'm going to have to if I want to transfer you back, that's if you want to come back, to   
Five-0 that is." Steve's eye's bore into him.  
  
"Really? I mean, you mean it? Steve, hell yes! When? Tomorrow?"  
  
"Danno, Danno. You have a few more days and few more sessions, come back on Monday, okay?" Steve patted Dan's bare shoulder.  
  
"OK Steve. Mahalo!"  
  
PAU  
  



End file.
